I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
