i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
