fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Randomize
