Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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