She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
