I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
