I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
you will always have a special place in my vag
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
