how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
