i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
