Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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