Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
