We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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