News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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