She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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