Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I just gift wrapped bread.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
