Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
