I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
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