he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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