Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
