I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
