Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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