Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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