loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize