Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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