Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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