it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
