allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
