Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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