After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
