I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
