i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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