This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize