So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
