Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
