Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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