I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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