I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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