I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
