youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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