i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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