I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
