GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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