I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
