If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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