well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
that may or may not have been my penis.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize