There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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