I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
