She said her name was "party"
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
its liver damage thursday
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
