dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
