false alarm. still invincible.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
i now understand why vodka
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
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