Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Randomize