u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
