id be glad to
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
