I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
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