I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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