I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
