just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
