I want to make a zoo with you.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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