someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Randomize
