i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
