would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
