Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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