In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
