I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
