Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
