Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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