Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
