you will always have a special place in my vag
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
