we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize