my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
