she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
