I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
