trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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