I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
