He told me they were just razor bumps!
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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