I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I need to align my fucking chakras
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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