I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
