I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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