So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
