My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
