I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
