Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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